Geri and Luca
We adopted Luca in December 2003, after fostering him for eight months through concurrent planning.
I suppose the story really starts a few years before that. Brian and I had been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for a number of years. And eventually we got to the point where we thought, well, there are two routes we could take. We could look at IVF or we could look at adoption. We were both quite open to adoption but we knew very little about it. If I’m honest, a lot of what you read about adoption can be quite negative. You hear all the difficult stories, and you think, this is going to be complicated. Then a friend of mine saw a piece in The Guardian about Coram and said to me, “Why don’t you give them a call?”
So I did.
I spoke to a lovely lady called Marilyn. I remember coming off that phone call feeling hopeful for the first time in a number of years. That was quite a big thing for me.
We met the Coram team about a week later. Marilyn and another lovely lady called Gill talked us through the whole process. They explained that we’d have to be assessed and approved, and what that would involve. After that we thought, “okay, let’s do it”.
So we signed up and we spent the next eight or nine months going through the process.
There were evenings where we learned about everything — what we should and shouldn’t do, how to look after information about a child and really understanding what adoption meant.
It was a lot to take in, but we felt very supported. Then, in December 2002, we were approved. A huge moment for us. A few months later, in March 2003, we got the call. A little baby boy was about to be born.
I can remember that meeting so clearly. We got together with his social worker, Addie, who I’m very pleased to say I’m still in touch with. Marilyn and Gill were there too. I will always remember something Gill said about making the decision. She said, “It’s a gut feeling.” And I think that’s absolutely right. You’ve got to feel that it’s right for you, and right to move forward.
So we agreed and two weeks later, we met this little boy. He was ten days old. He was with his foster carer, Julie, and we went to meet him at her home. We gave him a bath, hugged him, fed him and talked to him. It was just one of those moments where suddenly it all became real. This was our little boy. And then, on his fourteenth day, we picked him up and brought him home. It was absolutely wonderful.
I’m from a large family, and everybody just rallied round. My brothers came down and painted the baby’s room. My Mum arrived with clothes. My sisters brought lots of bits n pieces – nappies, sudocrem and so on. Everybody was so excited. As were our friends.
It was just a fantastic time. For us, it was probably the best time of our lives. After all those years of trying to have a baby, suddenly we had this beautiful little boy at home. We felt incredibly lucky.
We fostered Luca for eight months, and then, in December 2003, we adopted him.
And I can honestly say it was the best thing we ever did.
He was a bonny baby and, of course, as the years went on, he grew up. And one of the things I think about now is how much you learn along the way.
You have to open yourself up to adoption. You have to listen, you have to learn, and you have to be prepared to go with it. That’s what we did.
And Coram were there for us every step of the way. They were incredibly supportive. We really felt part of the Coram family. Actually, we still do. That’s one of the lovely things about it. Even now, more than twenty years later, we’re still connected with Coram. I’m working on a project at the moment, a film festival, and one of the films, “Love, Chaos, Kin”, is about interracial adoption. It’s been filmed over twelve years, and it’s about twin girls and their adoptive and biological mothers. It’s a really lovely story and now we’re linking up with Coram around that project. So that connection has continued, which is really special.
Luca is now 23. He’s just finished university with a Classics degree. He’s a very bright boy, but, more importantly, he’s got a great personality. He’s warm, he’s loving, he’s funny, and he’s very much his own person.
He’s also a very talented musician. He’s toured around the world over the last couple of years with a band. He’s a drummer, he’s a pianist, and he’s a complete jazz nut. He’s got his degree. He’s travelling. He’s making music. He’s got his own life and we’re just incredibly proud of him.
When I look at him now, it’s amazing to think back to that tiny ten-day-old baby we first met. I remember holding him. I remember giving him his bath. I remember feeding him. I remember bringing him home and now he’s a man.
For us, Coram was there from that very first phone call. Marilyn gave me hope at a time when I hadn’t felt hopeful for quite a long time. Gill and the rest of the team guided us through the process. And then, when Luca came along, we felt supported every step of the way. And that meant an enormous amount to us.
Adoption changed our lives completely. It gave us Luca and I can’t imagine our family without him. So, I will always be grateful to Coram.
I think, if somebody was considering adoption now, I’d say: don’t be frightened by what you don’t know. There is a lot to learn. Of course there is. But there are people there to help you. I think you have to open yourself up to it. You have to listen and learn, and ultimately, you have to trust that feeling when the right opportunity comes along.
You don’t have to know everything at the beginning. We certainly didn’t. We just picked up the phone.
And that phone call changed our lives.