Laura (right) with sister Edith and brother William
I was born in 1945, and grew up as an only child in a happy household in one of the poorer parts of South London.
In 2001 my mother died, and it was at her funeral that I (at the age of 56) discovered that I was adopted. It was clear that all of my cousins were fully aware of this, and that I was the only one that had been kept in the dark. My father was by then advancing in years and in poor health. There was little he could tell me, other than that my adoption had resulted from an introduction by our family doctor to the sister of one of his other patients.
This threw my world into turmoil. I developed a Jekyll and Hyde character, with mood swings from “utterly normal” to “don’t talk about it”. I was fully aware of my behaviour changes, but totally unable to control them. I obtained my adoption file from the council, and uncovered a name and for my birth mother, and her roots in Kent. BDM records from libraries enabled me to establish more information, but my mood swings continued. Other papers with my file gave information about agencies that might help; The Salvation Army, Hospital records, etc. Within those papers was Norcap (an organisation that supported adoptees, adopters and birth families) was included. They became a great help, particularly from meeting others at local contact meetings. By sharing stories I stopped feeling victimised, realised that I was in fact the lucky one to grow up in such a loving family, and there were others far less fortunate in their adoptive environment. In time I found that I moved from one needing support to one helping and advising new members.With Norcap help I contacted a maternal cousin to learn a little more and actually get a picture of my birth mother.
I went on to continue my search on-line for some 20 years, and built up a substantial maternal family tree, but my birth father remained a complete mystery.
Eventually I resorted to professional help.
They identified the man who was “almost certainly” my birth father, but without close relatives surviving who might provide DNA match this cannot be confirmed.
My 24 year search now takes a back seat, but still sits at the back of my mind. I can find no evidence that either of my parents had other illegitimate children, but I live in hope that one may exist and choose to take a DNA test.My story above has spilled out of my head and is as a result probably a little random. There is a whole lot more to it, which I’d be happy to expand upon and refine if you find it of interest.I’ve ended up with a good understanding of the adoption process, its problems and what can go wrong if it’s not handled properly. My wife has shared my journey and some of that understanding, but way back a Norcap meeting that she joined said that she could see how important it had been, but despite their welcome had felt an outsider as she didn’t have the same shared experience.