Gaynor as a baby with her birth mother
Gaynor Cherieann is an adoptee from Northamptonshire who was born in 1963. A mother of four and a granny to four children, she is an avid supporter of the The Movement for an Adoption Apology (MAA). The MAA is a campaign group in the United Kingdom dedicated to securing a formal apology from the British government for historic adoption practices that took place between the 1940s and 1980s.
I was born in a Church of England mother and baby home and taken from my birth mum at six weeks. My Mum was 16 and my Dad was 17. They were a couple and stayed together and later married. I have two full birth sisters. My reunion 32 years ago was a big part of my healing journey and I know I am very lucky that I had a good reunion. Here are two letters I wrote to my birth Mother and birth Father.
To My Birth Mum
Dear Mum,
I have so much to say to you it will probably take a few letters. Most importantly, I am happy I found you twenty-eight years ago. We have spent those years building a relationship. Not all plain sailing, but families never are. I do feel we are great friends now, but we both have separate issues due to the circumstances of my birth. I have always understood why you couldn’t keep me, but the hurt on all sides doesn’t go away completely, does it? All my life, I thought of meeting you and imagined what you would be like, especially on my Birthday. I felt a piece of me was missing, not knowing where I came from. Always desperately hoping I came from love.When I received my adoption file, my detective skills worked out; you had gone on to marry my dad; how amazing! The questions in my head were endless. Did you want me to find you? What had happened in your life? Did you have more children? Once I was sure I had found you and got your telephone number, I couldn’t wait to contact you. I was very apprehensive; I was shaking so much that Paul had to make the initial phone call. To this day, he jokes,” how many sons-in-law speak to their mother-in-law before her daughter does”?
When you told me I had two biological sisters, I felt overjoyed and thought my head would explode. Even though you and Dad are no longer a couple to find out, at last, I had come from true love. Wow, that was all I had ever dreamed of. So many emotions I couldn’t process everything. The timings worked for us all. You and Dad were able to come to meet me within a few days of that first phone call. You were able to meet your three grandsons and share photographs of my sisters, Emma and Amy. Suddenly many things made sense. I looked like Dad; Richard’s brown eyes were the same as my sisters. The jigsaw pieces were finally slotting into place.
After all these years, the time apart doesn’t hurt quite so much. We try our best to just look forward to the future of our relationship now. During the years since we met again, we have shared many family occasions: births, birthdays, weddings and funerals. I finally feel grateful to know where I came from.
We often discuss sad stories of the reunions that haven’t worked out from the ITV show Long Lost Family or the stories we hear in the news and know just how lucky we are.
With all my love,
Gaynor (your baby Cherie-Ann)
To My Birth Father
Dear Dad,
You knew I would find you. You always said, “If she has my inquisitive genes, she will come looking”. When you told me that you had taken the day off work on my Twenty-first Birthday and drove to Leicester to see if you could find me, searching the local papers, it made me feel so loved and wanted. Sadly, I wasn’t in that county. As it turned out, I had never moved from my birth town. The place where you came to visit me as a tiny baby in the mother and baby home, but you had no information, just a hunch. Thanks for trying. The day I got my birth records back in 1994 at the local council offices and met my councillor, Veronica, she handed me my file, and we slowly talked through it together.
Wham, I had another identity, Cherie Ann Ball; I don’t know why I hadn’t considered this. It hit me hard and took some time to process. Of course, you and mum had always thought of me as Cherie for all those years. How sad the name you lovingly gave to me was taken away. Later, I think I cried when you told me you had named me after the Frankie Valli song ‘Sherry’ but changed the spelling to Cherie, the French way of spelling, meaning darling. After a couple of years of us being a family again, I had to add that special name by deed poll as my middle name to honour my true identity.I love that song. I now listen to all of Frankie’s albums; Jersey Boys is my favourite musical of all time. You gave me the gift of music; you played in several bands over the years. I think you wanted this as a career; being so talented, it would have been amazing if this had become your vocation. Mum said you made a record once with the help of the DJ John Peel, in a band called ‘Westonians’.
One of the bands you played in was the backing group for some bands who became famous. The Rolling Stones and Wizard are two of them. You both were very much into the ‘sixties’ music scene. In contrast, I was brought up on 50’s music as my adopted parents were ten years older than you.I suppose my arrival when you were so young changed the course of your life. It would never be the same again. Sadly, having never seen you and mum together as a couple, I have no idea what growing up with you would have been like. I am so glad you are still great friends, which made our reunion so much easier.
Life moves on. You are re-married. I have a half-sister, Anna, whom I have only met once, but you keep that family to yourself. We all lead such busy lives.It is great to get together a couple of times a year to catch up; I am so thankful to have found you,
Lots of love,
Your eldest daughter,
Gaynor x
Gaynor and her husband Paul
Gaynor’s book “An Adoptee’s Journey: Letters of My Life” is available here.