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Forced to grow
by Abbey, aged 20
When I went into foster care things began to change, living with complete strangers made my life so strange. I got a feel for what people are like and why they act the way they do, I got an insight into why peoples lives can be so blue. Soon after more homes, 11 to be exact, was this some Governmental torture act? I was only a kid yet I was pushed aside and it’s only now I realise I don’t need to hide. I’ve learnt a lot from the life that I’ve had, some of it good and some of it bad. I’ve been brought up by over ten families which has made me sort of detached, I never found a family yet that I’ve felt I’ve matched, all are too caught up in their own trauma and I don’t want to feel a burden, with all of these voices in my head it’s not easy to get a word in.
A life so lost in this world of hate, took my Mother from the sadness and finally sealed her fate. The smell of her body filled up the room, her body had lay there for a while, the whole time I stood there I waited for her smile. I had to leave soon after, I couldn’t bare the pain and little did I know back then, that it would forever remain.
Two years later my father, that same metal slab, a room that looked experimental and a little like a lab. He too lay there motionless and cold, both my parents I was unable to hold. All I could do it sit and stare, my life has been so God damn unfair. All I wanted was for them to wake up and walk, sit there for hours and just have a talk because I’ve missed out on that part because I was young, their lives were over before they’d even begun.
Both my parents gone, before I was even eighteen, you wouldn’t believe of the horrors I’ve seen. I’ve been abused, neglected and left alone. I’ve been passed around from home to home. To the system I am a puppet as such, what they don’t realise is that I know too much. I understand life, I understand death and all from first hand, I’ve been forced to survive wherever I land.
There’s been a lot of trauma in my life that has made me who I am, I lost a part of myself when I lost my Dad and Mam, but without them here I’m fighting to show, that a care experience can force you to grow. I have had support, and I’ve been pushed back, I’ve been broken but now I’m back on track. I am thankful for the help that I’ve had because without people I would be lost, thank you to the people that have helped me despite the emotional cost.
I am proud of where I am, and how far I have come because only two years ago I was motionless and numb. Now I’m working for the council and I’m starting to achieve, its amazing what can be accomplished as soon as you believe. So if ever you’re in a situation where you feel there is no light, look at what is happening and remember fight or flight.